we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
