just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
