I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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