the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize