am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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