Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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