I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
