On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
