I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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