I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
