I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
