i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
