you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My dick has a subreddit
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
