Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Operation Purity has been aborted
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
