Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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