So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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