if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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