Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
