Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
