Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
