Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
