she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
