I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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