what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
