I accidentally had phone sex last night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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