bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
