he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
