Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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