He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
