Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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