My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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