If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
