I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
