All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
