i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
