We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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