I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
