I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
