Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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