I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
