had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
