Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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