you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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