The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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