I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Someone came in the potted fern
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
