It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
