If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
