xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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