thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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