if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
