remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
