did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Someone shattered a urinal.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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