In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
