I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
