He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
