He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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