tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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