if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
