I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
