Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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