think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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