Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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