So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
