She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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