they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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