Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
