google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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