just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love having hate sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
